Twenty Twelve

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beginning, doodlephilosophy, end, faith, God, hope, life, love, new, newyear, tomorrow

Another year is about to end. Wow. 12 months surely passed by so quickly.

For me, it’s been a mix of earthquakes and rainbows.

The year began very silent and a bit emotional but it was also a crazy, busy few months that made time go faster than expected. I took part in organizing our first Concert for a cause that became a huge success (All glory to God), I had my first Euro trip in Greece where I also attended my first international conference, I’ve also had the best, meaningful, busy and rainy summer back home.

Then, the so-called quarter life crisis hit me. I became dull, irate, negative and waking up every day feeling down with no inspiration or motivation to move on with life. I felt like I’m not doing what I’m supposed to do and I’m running out of time trying to accomplish all my goals. I decided that I’m leaving Riyadh and go on a completely different route next year. In short, I was a wreck emotionally and mentally.

Thankfully, I got past that. I woke up one day figuring out what the fuss is all about. I asked myself what I am complaining about when I have all these wonderful things around me. I killed my pessimistic self and moved on.

Goodbyes. A few people dear to me had to leave to start their new journey. Sad, but parting is inevitable sometimes and you just have to be happy that they’re leaving to achieve their dreams.

Hellos. “If someone goes, someone new comes along.” New people came into my life and for that I am more than thankful. Some of them became friends, a few beaus and some old acquaintance eventually became good friends.

The year isn’t over until I am faced with a situation that would expect me to make a choice. Sometimes you won’t really know the feeling of being sea sick if you don’t go out and sail in the sea. You might wonder what I’m talking about; some would get this, some won’t. Point is, I write no secrets just clues.

Tomorrow is a new year. A start of a journey for some, the end for others or for those walking a long path, it’s just another day. No matter what point we are in right now, this is the time to remember all the good and the bad for the past 364 days. It’s been a fun, wild ride but surely something to be thankful for. For all the blessings that we have received, for the family and friends that we still have, for the love that we still share, for the laughter and tears that we can still give. Most of all, for another chance that we get to breathe again and make a difference in this world.

Forget all the sorrow and pain of the past year and embrace all the good things that happened to us. If not for trials we are not as strong as we are now, and if not for the optimism and hope, we are not where we are now.

Welcome 2013 with a thankful heart and a vision of a blessed future. Let go and let God. Wake up each morning feeling brand new and encouraged to do something worthwhile. Do not be afraid to fail but be courageous enough to stand up and try again. Do not hesitate to fall in love for even with uncertainty, love is always beautiful. Laugh hard, cry hard. Walk with your head held high but with your feet kept in the ground. Be motivated and accept the challenges that life will offer. Dream big and believe in yourself. Never fear change for it will help you grow. Trust in the LORD and put your faith in Him; for in Him, nothing is impossible.

xx,

R.

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I Told You So

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challenge, doodle philosophy, emotions, future, growth, hope, life, love, mistakes, random

They say take heart over mind. For some, it’s the mind above the heart.–

 

We make choices based on what we know, how we feel, what others say or what you think you should be. We are all different on how we picture the future. There are people who decides to live at the moment and let tomorrow unveil its surprises. Some people including myself can’t help but think of the future and how we should live today for tomorrow. There will never be a wrong side because it is both part of our reality. How one lives doesn’t mean the same for another. 

We all have our fair share of giving this life a little challenge. 

I dislike having multiple choices that doesn’t necessarily lead to the right answer. Those times when you have to choose one phase of happiness over the other. I hate that I often consider compromising with others even if it means giving up what really makes me happy. But I guess I’ll always have that part of myself. As much as I try to make things seem alright, I     never want to be judged wrongly, I don’t want to hear “I told you so”, I hate feeling sorry for myself just because others make me feel that I made a mistake. 

Nobody’s perfect but you’ll agree that once in a while we try to be one. Sometimes it gets tougher when you have already reached your destination. Sometimes you just feel like going back. But life will never go on if we always fear that we will lose in the end or we are too afraid to take a step because we don’t want to fall down. But we will never know what’s on the other side of the door if we never go in it. 

Make a choice not for yourself; not for others; but because it feels right. Don’t be afraid of judgement because it will make you stronger. Don’t try to be perfect and don’t let mistakes define who you are or who you will become. Take each day one step at a time and the day will come where you’ll finally make it right.

 

xx,

R.

It’s not you, It’s me

Tags

choices, compromise, decisions, faith, happiness, life, regrets

You can dream of anything but you have to face reality that you can’t have everything.

We all have dreams playing in our head; our very own fiction with a fairy tale-ending.

We are all entitled to an extreme fantasy but we have a choice to chase it or live the closest reality possible. I, myself, fall in the latter. I have so many goals, I have images of myself where I’m the person I always wanted to be. All of which is very realistic and attainable. I didn’t have to deal with the impossible where I’d own a flying pink pony when I turn 25. But no matter how realistic it might be, it still seems like I can only have a few options at hand. It’ll always end up with, “If I do this then I have to give up being a certain person”, “If I make this choice, I’d have to live without the other”. Through the years, I didn’t give up on any of my dreams but it just happens that I made a choice to do one thing over the other. Sad to say, I’d often lose a big dream to be on the safe zone. Sometimes I’d rather be the same person than to be judged wrongly for what I’ll do next.

Some people tend to do things based on what other people say. They are so conscious of how others would react to what they do, how they speak, what they wear and who they’re with. It’s funny how much effort we make in order to please others or to do things that others expect you to do. Most of the time we end up in regret and being unhappy for giving up what you want for what others want for you. You can watch what you say and how you act so you don’t hurt people but don’t let them stop you from becoming who you really want to be. There will be things that make us happy but we sometimes let it pass in exchange for people’s approval.

Live your life like you pictured it the first time. Live it as if nothing’s gonna go wrong. Don’t be afraid to fail for you can’t appreciate the reward if you were not able to endure a little pain. Forget what other people would say but let them forget what they have to say about you. Be happy as you are and live the best life the best way you know how.

It is true that we can’t have everything but don’t let it stop you from dreaming big and achieving them along the way. How much will it hurt to have a little faith?

 

xx,

R.

Switched

Tags

doodle philosophy, failure, life, new, new beginning, passion, try

Where to start?

Lately, I’ve been asking myself “What happened?”.

I look back and realize that I’ve always been the optimistic one. I’d always see the best of things and the bright side of the future. I’d be irritated of negative vibes. I’d always plan ahead and write everything in black and white to remind myself everyday of how I’m gonna accomplish all my goals. I’d wake up everyday so thankful of everything I have.

Suddenly it felt like I bumped my head so hard that I became the exact opposite of myself. I’ll be in all sorts of mood, I’d rant about things, my days would end and I’d always feel that something’s missing. Now,  I often wake up not wanting to leave the house. It wouldn’t matter if I do or don’t do the things I have to finish. I never make plans anymore; I just go wherever time would take me.

It’s like I run out of pixie dust and I can’t even fly an inch above the ground. I dislike this version of me. I’m not pushing myself to do better or function as much as I want to. I’m currently in great need of motivation and inspiration. I know God will never give up on me even if I’m almost giving up on myself. I really am sorry for feeling and being this way. I believe it is all in my mind and it is all because I’m letting it get to me.

This time, I’m gonna push myself back to reality and live my life the way I should. It may not be perfect but it will be something worth a big smiley face. I admit I let myself get defeated but I’ll face tomorrow with my head up and my feet on the ground.

We don’t lose when we fail. We lose when we never try.

xx,

R.

Back and Out

Tags

doodlephilosophy, hope, letting go, life, love, memories, moving on, regrets, years

I have no idea how I ended up writing here. So, here it goes: I just finished watching Glee’s Prom episode and HS memories came back to me. It didn’t take too long to think about 5 years ago, then 4 years, 3, 2 and finally, a year ago. Sometimes memories feel very much like yesterday; you remember moments and feel like you’re in the same place all over again. For a few minutes, all those years played in my head like it’s in fast-forward. I had happy times, crying nights, years of love and years of heartache, roller coaster rides of success and failure, birth and death of friendship, never-ending times of change and opportunities of growth. If I were to write a book about my life, it will be one book for every year. I’ve had a combination of ordinary and crazy and now that I think about it, I have no regrets.

We may think of those memories and how much it affected our lives but no matter how you try to keep them alive, a day would come when it will just be something in the mind, and feelings will never be the same no matter how you try to bring them back. Sometimes we become so used to feeling a certain way about things that in our mind we haven’t moved on but in reality, we are already miles away. Life’s pretty interesting and it continues to surprise us. There are a number of events that we can never explain why and how they exist but it is what keeps us going ’cause we always want to know how things would end.

You will never know the value of time until you’ve lost it. It is a fact that we can never take or turn back time but we can always choose to make the most of it while it lasts. We still hold on to some memories of the past but as we move on with life we realize not how it’s pulling us back but how it’s making us better now. It is unfortunate not to get anything from history but a treasure to be held back at that moment but still be able to let it go.

Live life not like it’s your last but the first. For people who have already experienced it,the beginning is the most magical. Cherish every second and live like it’s never going to end. Do not worry of how things will work out. There will be ups and downs but it will all be worth it. Dream infinitely, love forever and live the best life you could ever have.

xx,

R.

100 of 366: Start

Tags

doodlephilosophy, dreams, life

And I’m back! Again, after a number of weeks, I have abandoned this blog. The early part of February and March I can justify; I’ve been busy organizing a concert for a cause and with God’s help and blessings, it was beyond successful (I’ll post some photos on the coming days). Right after that I had more than a week to rest before Spring break but unfortunately I had an insomnia attack. I would be in bed early in the evening but I’ll finally get sleep after midnight. Maybe I got used to being pre-occupied doing things that when it’s all over, my brain wanted something to keep itself full. That point in my life (even though I’m in denial at first), I felt really exhausted. I felt tired physically, mentally and emotionally. Thank God for the spiritual strength that it kept me feeling so alive in spite of my body/brain/heart- shut down. AND a 7-day break that I spent on my first European trip in Greece (and photos later too!). I actually attended a conference for 2 days but I got to explore the city most days of the week.

Here I am now back in reality with an attempt to revive this little space where I “keep” a part of my brain and a glimpse of my heart (eeek!). I have already wasted 4 days procrastinating but I have to keep it all together and do what I am supposed to do. I think my obsessive planning and organizing self is way better than my couch-potato side. Every time I reach a phase like this, it’ll always feel like New Year’s Eve where I wake up and try to start fresh and change things a bit. Through all the obstacles that has come my way; I can’t help but be thankful for I have been blessed more than I have been tested. For all its worth, I’m living my dream.

xx,

R.