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♫ ♪ Happy – Natasha Bedingfield


Hit PLAY for a more heart felt moment while reading. :p

At past 2 in the afternoon I lay on my bed, stretched my arm and looked at the ceiling. The sun still peeks through the windows and served as light to my room. I love natural light.

After a few seconds I reached for my laptop and browsed the web with my tummy lying on the bed and my arms over a pillow. I read, watched some tv series, “window-shopped” online, browsed for more sites and this went on for hours. I got up to turn the light on because it was already dark outside.

Then, I went through my closet to look for a possible outfit for work tomorrow and ended up with a lazy white shirt and a pair of grey, wide-legged trousers. It took me a minute to pull that off; including shoes and accessories.

I tried to look for something to eat but I failed and realized we need to do some groceries. I just went back to bed. I wasted almost 4 hours of my time doing this things which didn’t really make sense. Yes, there’s a number of “to-dos” that I should be working on but I’m not really in the mood to do such things now.

I wanted to go out during the day and enjoy the sun but I can never do that here. I spend 90% of my day indoors and that’s too much even for a home buddy like me. Some would know that I’m not an outgoing person but I surely miss some taste of freedom. That includes dressing up which I can’t do because I have to wear a black long robe (Abayah). I despise that black thing, really.

Lately, I’ve been thinking that I shouldn’t be here. That I’m not planning to spend most of my time living in a very confined place. I even tried to search for possible countries that I could go to and how much the cost of living will be. I browsed for jobs that would match what I have now but it’s almost impossible. I’m a fresh graduate with no work experience besides my 9 months working for the same company. A part of me really wants to leave  now but another keeps me from doing so. I’ve been given a great opportunity that would actually make my dreams and plans very very possible. I asked God for this. I prayed with so much faith and now that I have it, I don’t feel completely sure. Don’t get me wrong but I’m so grateful for this and I can’t thank God enough for answering my prayers. I love Him and I thank Him for everything.

Sometimes I’d relate to the quote “Money can’t buy you happiness”. But there are situations where you just can’t use happiness alone. I AM happy but in times like this I feel like something’s missing. But I also feel like this is God’s way of helping me realize my dreams. I have so much in mind, I have too many goals and places where I see myself in the near future. And I can’t get any closer if I decide to quit this early.

Oh, there’s just so much going on right now. I’ve been too detached that I start to over-think. In conclusion, maybe I’m just missing home, my friends, family, and the things I used to do. Or maybe I’m trying to fast-track my life which isn’t how the world works. If this wasn’t my blog, I’d apologize for this almost-short-story. So, I’m not sorry. Hehe

Can anyone tell me how to make this life a little funner aside from shopping and eating? 🙂

To anyone who made it to this line, I really appreciate your effort to know me one level higher. Bonne nuit!